Week 8 Powerless Rankings: Poor Trevor Lawrence

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Frank Gore demonstrates the definition of futility against Kansas City.

Frank Gore demonstrates the definition of futility against Kansas City.
Image: (Getty Images)

Another Sunday of NFL football has concluded.

As we turn back the time and take a step back this week, let’s continue to adequately assess the teams that have been taking steps back all season.

Let’s see who made the cut on this week’s Deadspin Powerless Rankings and has an angle at adding Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence (who’s currently battling COVID-19) or Ohio State QB Justin Fields.

5. Cowboys

It’s a shame that this is what America’s Team has come to, yet it’s also extremely fitting considering the position America itself is in right now. They don’t have a capable quarterback or head coach that can lead them through adversity. Its playmakers look like they’ve completely checked out, and its defense can’t stop a paper cut with an unlimited supply of Band-Aids. The Boys’ performance on Sunday Night Football made every football fan want to cut off their cable. This Dallas team has no hopes of making the playoffs and if they win another game this season it would strictly be by the Grace of God.

4. Texans

I hate to do it to them and I know they had a bye this past week, but when you’re one of the last teams in the league with only one win you have to take your rightful spot on the Powerless Rankings. Deshaun Watson and the Texans have just not been able to get things on the right track this season. It probably has a lot to do with how the former coach and general manager Bill O’Brien traded away arguably the best player on the team this offseason. Watson can’t control the fact that he has to throw to Popeyes employees since DeAndre Hopkins was traded to Arizona. Watson also can’t control the fact that he has a defense that makes him have to score 30 points a game just to have a chance. The Texans deserve to be placed on this list for all of their shortcomings, but we have to remember why they are where they are. It’s strictly because Bill O’Brien has the football acumen of a Toyota Corolla.

3. Giants

The Giants have a game against Tom Brady and the Buccaneers on Monday Night and will likely get their brains beat out on national television. Daniel Jones has kinda played well in the last few games, despite falling over himself untouched with nothing but end zone in front of him. However, the Giants still have major issues that put them on this list. Their defense can’t stop any quarterback, the running game has been dreadful with Saquon Barkley and without, and head coach Joe Judge still has not proved he can be That Dude.

The only reason the Giants’ struggles aren’t talked about more is because watching their cross-town rival may be worse than having your brain scratched during a COVID test.

2. Jaguars

The Jaguars had a bye this week but that doesn’t mean they too can’t still have their rightful spot on the Powerless Rankings. They are still terrible, let’s not forget that. Just because the Jets have become the biggest laughing stock in the league in the last 20 seasons doesn’t mean that the Jaguars can live in their filth unbothered. Minshew-mania is no longer working, the defense just refuses to stop anyone from scoring, and the coaching staff clearly can’t craft a successful game plan.

Jaguars, take your rightful spot at number 2.

1. Jets

The Jets got beat down by Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs as everyone expected. Additionally, everyone expected this same team to be the leader in the Deadspin Powerless Rankings.

The Jets still have the same problems that have contributed to their now 0-8 record. They have a young quarterback who is declining faster than a rotten Banana. They have a head coach who has the football I.Q. of a rutabaga. And they continue to trade away the good players that allow them to even have a chance at being competitive… perhaps on purpose?

Based on Avery Williamson’s Instagram, he couldn’t get out of New York fast enough once he found out he was traded to the Steelers.

I wouldn’t be mad if the Jets just forfeited the rest of their games and stop wasting everyone’s time.

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